tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13320817741558856992024-03-13T13:23:58.633-07:00The weight is over...ME, fat- freeI'm on a self weight loss journey to a healthier, better me.PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.comBlogger49125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-4586289024208567362011-04-07T01:31:00.000-07:002011-04-07T01:49:09.612-07:00pulling these thoughts outI feel like right now I need try and organize all the thoughts that are swarming around in my head. Bear with me, I've thought a lot about this stuff the last few days and figured I would throw it all out on here and try to get some sort of plan going...<br /><br />I haven't worked out since last Thursday, so wow...I just realized it's a week today. Damnit. First order of business--get some kind of work out in. Even if it's taking a walk with my lil Bean today. I could do a 3 miler we used to do last year. I have a baby shower tonight, errands to get done before that and cleaning on my to-do list tonight. Back to the workout thing, I was doing the Jackie dvd and although I do like the workout itself, and I do like the results, I am bored with it. I've done it 3x a week for quite a while now and need a new something for a bit. Maybe hitting the gym again, but man, that's getting tough since softball has started-both girls on different teams and Jay coaching Ali's team....Being a mom of 3, you have to get creative with working out. I will shoot for the long walk this afternoon. Maybe I'll add some running bits in, too. Hmmm.<br /><br />My eating has not been so great. I somehow got into the mind set that the girl's spring break was party time for mama and slipped a lil off plan. Which one slip up lead to another...etc etc.....I need to get back onto eating healthy. I know I can do this, I WILL do this....One bite, one decision...I need to find my bracelet and put it on. It does help.<br /><br />I have this fear I'm gaining all the weight back, once again, before hitting my goal as I've done in the past. I dream of it. Actually, it's more of a horror-movie style nightmare but you get the point. I feel like people at work are seeing me and saying "oh no, she's putting on weight...." and it scares me. I still fit into my jeans, lol, but I'm still thinking this. My brain is notorious for playing evil tricks on me.<br /><br />The bottom line is this~I refuse to stop. I have learned that "giving up" only gets me back to square one and I'm done with that square. For good. 90 pounds lost and I know I can get there. I also know that it's going to take something more, and I knew this would come soon enough and I was scared of it, too. Saying it out loud may help...ok, typing out loud.....Cutting down portions. Up until now, I've pretty much let myself eat fairly big amounts. Second helpings etc. and it's worked for me, I have lost 90 pounds. But I think I'm too that point now where it's going to take a lil more effort to get these last 40 pounds off and it's time to re-think my plan and fit portion control into it. I know I can do this, but it's going to take work, much like incorporating excercise into my life did. Did I like it at first? Hell NO. Do I now, hell YES! I'm going to start with not going back for seconds. One helping. Done. 2 yr old calling.....wish me luck on this new part....PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-39114945460569581912011-04-03T09:12:00.000-07:002011-04-03T09:24:32.767-07:00more or less?One of the things I struggle with this is portion size and amounts-but I'm not sure that is the right term. Sometimes I get into this mind frame that I won't become full. I need more, that can't or won't possibly be enough for me...etc. etc. Somehow over spring break, I fell back into this mind set. Now to get out of it. The problem is, how? Ideas? Does this happen to anyone else?<br /><br /> I have not eaten breakfast yet and I want to tell my family let's go to a buffet breakfast! On the other hand, I know that is not going to get me anything but:<br />1. farther away from my healthy eating<br />2. a sick tummy!<br />3. guilt and beating myself up<br />4. weight gain<br />5. tired for the rest of the day<br />6. just plain old bad for my body<br /><br /> I think I will have one of my fav's--a bowl of kashi berry crisp knowing I will feel soooo much better.PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-58379185501914135782011-03-22T17:57:00.000-07:002011-03-22T18:07:06.457-07:00Tuesday's almost done...and I made it through another Jackie workout. "Hate me now, love me later..." Oh yes, I do feel that when I'm in it doin' the sweat! It is a workout I do like, and like I said, I am feeling some good changes.<br /><br />My niece's 24th birthday is this weekend. A bunch of her friends & family are going Saturday night to celebrate. A while back, she convinced me to shop at other stores since I've always shopped at the bigger size stores for my clothes. Catherine's, Lane Bryant etc. So last fall, I stepped into Express, from her coaxing, and bought a cute top I saw online in a size large. It fit although it was a bit snug, but I knew come spring I'd be able to rock that shirt. It was somehow a little unreal to me, even in fall, 70 or so pounds lost, that I could rock a size other than an xl or xxxl that I started out wearing. Never mind a size in a regular store, no plus on the tag this time!<br /><br />A while ago she asked me if I had worn the shirt yet. I set out with a goal in mind to wear that shirt out for her birthday. I've got a cute new tank to wear under it and I've been doing Jackie's arm workouts hard 3x a week hoping that when I put that shirt on on Saturday, I am happy with how I look in it. Stay tuned, I promise to post a pic!PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-60901752976023087012011-03-16T20:28:00.001-07:002011-03-16T20:31:45.295-07:00and another one bites the dustAnother JW workout done, one more to go for this week. I really feel it's working, making changes in my body with inches lost. It's not a workout I hate, it's 30 mins and most of it feels pretty good.<br /><br />*Note, I do NOT like burpies and a lot of workouts include them, or don't call them "burpies" per say, but they are in fact burpies. Even the word is yuck, BURPIE. Ew. I did not like grunting through them in junior high and do not like them now either. Do you know what I'm talking about? Do you like BURPIES??PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-70818900505857192092011-03-10T07:18:00.000-08:002011-03-10T07:22:34.602-08:00TGITYes, today is my Friday and it's HERRRRRRRRRRE!<br />I stopped by to say that I got my arse outta bed today and pushed through my 3rd Jackie Warner for the week! Yeeee-haaaaaaa! Feels SO good. I almost quit when my 2 yr old woke up crying, but I talked to her and calmed her down while I was pushing through the workout and she actually came and did some movin' with her mama. At first I felt bad, like I was being a bad mom by not quitting the workout. But she was a happy camper and I thought, how great is it that she sees me doing this? Hopefully she will remember her mama working out and how important it is to be healthy. "O)PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-25009159015926699962011-03-09T21:26:00.000-08:002011-03-09T21:38:17.049-08:00THITOK, almost Thursday. Thursday is my Friday this week. Fun stuff planned, the hubby is turnin' the big 4-0! But that's another post....<br /><br />I was looking at my past posts and holy cow, almost every one of them is how I've got back on after eating badly. Jeeze. I never really saw it that way but man, it's got me thinking. I could go either way--beat myself up about it or be glad I DID get back on. I'm sitting on a 90 pound loss and that sounds huge to me. 90 pounds is a lotta friggin' weight! If I had not gotten back on and let my blog go and let myself continue to eat with those patterns, I would not be sitting at a 90 pound loss. So there negative self, take that. I've got to be proud of myself for not quitting, for not giving up and I've got a few things to be proud of so I'm going to list them.<br /><br />1.I did 1 1/2 hours on the elliptical Monday night. Wasn't planned, it just worked out and it felt GREAT. Over 6 miles.<br /><br />2. I've done my new Jackie Warner DVD 2x this week, one more tomorrow and I've completed my goal of 3x this week. It's not easy-like she says-hate me now, love me later. It's the truth.<br /><br />3.I "got back on" my healthiness journey and found my motivation again. I was a little worried there for a while. I'd be having a great day, then open the pantry and two or three cookies would shoot into my mouth, followed by something else....uuuggghhh, anyway, back on and happy about it.<br /><br />4. I identified my most difficult eating time of the day and it's late afternoon before dinner. Anytime from about 2-3ish to dinner time. I've been able to combat this time with some tools--healthy snacks and earlier dinners. Working so far!<br /><br />5. I set a goal to work-out every day this week. I've got three more days to go--Thursday with Jackie dvd, Friday at the gym and Sat. BL or gym. Gonna get there!<br /><br />6. I want to wear a cute outfit for Saturday night. I'd like to wear my black crinkle cami with my black halfie sweater. I'm a little nervous about this since I do NOT want any fat bulges stickin' out. Hopefully I can wear this and feel gewwwwwwwwwd.<br /><br />So there, 6 things I'm proud of myself for, even if a couple haven't happened yet. "o)<br /><div style="text-align: center;">TO BE CONTINUED<br /></div>PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-34142416523259053032011-01-29T21:04:00.000-08:002011-01-29T21:12:50.798-08:00confidenceA year ago, I attended a winter fun fest event in our community. It's loaded with inexpensive, fun things for the kids and adults to enjoy. I didn't dance, but I wanted to. I didn't move around much at all at this event, but I wanted to. Today, we went to that same event again. I danced, I moved around...I found myself having FUN~loving life, and enjoying this same event so much more than I did one year ago. It's amazing to me what this weight loss has done. It's given me new found confidence, and life is more FUN.<br /><br />These past couple weeks I've been struggling with the weight loss aspect of my journey. I hit my 90 pound loss Christmas Eve and did very well eating wise through the holidays. It was <span style="font-style: italic;">after</span> where I had my trouble. One thing lead to another, and another....this week I have found my motivation again and have gotten back on track. I will weigh in tomorrow or Monday, and hopefully see a loss. For some reason, I do not like to blog when I'm struggling. I feel as though it's a failure and if I blog it, it's making it real, confirming that failure. I don't know, it's crazy how my mind works and even crazier trying to re-train it!<br />Hopefully I'll get back here sooner than later~until then, keep on keeping on!PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-19276905059278680632010-12-20T22:59:00.000-08:002010-12-20T23:13:58.244-08:00It's the most wonderful time of the year...On the one hand, I feel that yes, it is indeed. On the other hand, my new, healthier journey self is telling me that no, 'tis not. I've been having some struggles. I have not jumped ship here, don't get me wrong, but some choices have not been the best I could do, either.<br />Take today for example, I told myself I would work-out. I did not. We got a ton of snow, again, and I did not feel like braving the elements to venture to the gym. So I wrapped presents with my 9 yr old, and then I did our cards. All in all a productive evening, but I did not achieve my goal of working out so I feel failure-ish. I don't like that!<br />As far as eating goes, I didn't do badly--but it could have been better. I felt slightly stressed and almost let food take over. But, I didn't. I need to change that to a win in my brain instead of a failure. So I missed working out, it's not the end of the world. I'll go tomorrow and start a-new.<br />Maybe I'm feeling deprived, I've made it through 2 holiday parties without over-indulging. I don't feel like I am deprived, but I feel like I <span style="font-style: italic;">should</span> be. Does that make sense? My old self is saying--you didn't shove tons of cookies in your gut, you didn't take several trips to the food, you didn't over load your plate...my new self is saying "VICTORY!" Sometimes I literally feel like a battle is going on within myself. I felt like I should eat a ton since I didn't bother working out today. I feel this need to punish myself with sabotage, it's crazy. I often wonder when that will ever end. Only time will tell.<br />On another note, I have reached 85 pounds lost as weigh-in last Thursday. I was thrilled, finally, I hit under 81 lost, it took a while. I am now 15 away from hitting my first goal which was to lose 100 pounds. I am so amazed by that, I love it. Stay tuned....PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-22090603949251733272010-11-18T22:45:00.000-08:002010-11-18T22:51:39.203-08:005I have 5 followers, yayyyyyyyyy!<br />I used to get so excited when I'd get a little comment here or there, but now I looked and I have 5 followers, hope you like reading this lil blog and you comment and stick around my fab 5! lol<br /><br />Today has been good, I did a short biggest loser workout this a.m. and hit the gym tonight for a 30 min elliptical session. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I signed up for the Turkey Trot, a 5k that I'm speed walking in with a couple friends of mine next week on thanksgiving. Anyway, i did a 3 mile speed walk the other night during a workout and I wanted to do it in 45 mins. I did it in 52 instead. Not bad, but I'll keep on working on it.<br /><br />I really don't think I'm getting the best of my workouts though. I'm sweating a ton, and doing elliptical and now sometimes octane and/or tread, but I feel like I could be doing more. I'd love to ask a trainer their opinion on what I could do to maximize fat burning on my workouts, but I am no where near that brave yet. Guess I could look on the net and poke around seeing what I find out too. What's a good workout for you? Any ideas for me?PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-26228988387507656042010-11-17T14:26:00.000-08:002010-11-17T14:39:06.942-08:00Wednesday SchmenesdayWell, I'm happy to blog that I've gotten back on track and had a great work-out last night.<br />It's not been easy, I have pin pointed my toughest time for having to stop myself with eating is late afternoon/early evening, before dinner. While making dinner it's darn near impossible not to snack and indulge for me. Then dinner is ready and I'm not even hungry, because I've filled up on everything then I eat dinner anyway! I'm trying to battle back with this fight by having crystal light readily available (love that stuff-but I am trying to break myself of it eventually) and veggie snacks. SO HARD! Once dinner is over, it's much easier for me. I tell myself I'm "done" with food for the day, and that's it. I also love a work-out in the evening, I feel like I'm burning more calories working out late. Don't know if that's true or not, but it feels good in my mind!<br />I've also got a new motivator, I'm doing my first ever 5K, Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning! Never thought in a million years I'd be doing a 5K, let alone at the butt crack of dawn. GO ME! It helps that a great friend of mine agreed to do it as well, moral support is awesome.<br />One thing I've been thinking about lately is wondering why I've been successful this time around. And doing it alone, no programs, no meal plans, no calorie counting...just me. I think it's that I have just kept on with it. If I have a bad time with something-giving in to a dessert, for example-which for me easily leads into "well, I had that so I may as well have this too" which leads to "why work-out, I've already done damage" then it can be a couple days before I get out of that hole and back on track. Before now, I'd get that bad and quit. Although I haven't had a really bad lengthy mess up time, I've gotten myself back on track each time I slip up. I've kept on stepping, even if it's little steps. And I'm here to tell ya, those little steps add up to noticeable changes and it works. I've got 79 pounds of back up to say lil steps add up! There is no quitting this time for me, even when I get to goal, I will still be on a healthy quest for my body. So here's to health & happiness, one step at a time!PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-45007167990251436212010-11-15T22:24:00.000-08:002010-11-15T22:40:49.744-08:00frustrationI am at one of those yucky places right now. Eating has not been great, not all bad but not great either. I'm trying to see where I lost footing, slipped up and identify how to get back on.<br />The holidays are upon me and I've never really gone through them trying to be healthy before. I can see it's not going to be easy.<br />I haven't worked out since Saturday, which now that that's down on paper it doesn't seem so bad. It's Tuesday today. I had a goal of every other day that was working well though so I've let myself down.<br />So, there's 3 things that I need to turn around. Getting out of this yucky place where I let go and eat too much--I'm not really making bad choices, just eating too much. So why am I doing that?? I weighed in Sunday and was up 3. I was/am down 79--I do not take back what I've achieved even if I have a gain so in my mind, I'm still down 79. I've sweat, screamed, cried and punched out those 79 pounds, I'll be damned if I add them back on again! So I was up, and I know why--it's from the cocktails I indulged in on Thursday night, then Saturday night. Not a lot, but enough and boy, do they pack the calories! On Sunday I made a pretty healthy dip for my hubby during the game and proceeded to eat half of it with tortilla chips to boot. Then it was, well, I've eaten that much, might as well eat two of the yummy crock pot pulled pork sandwiches with an added couple bites of my 2 yr old's too. ::sigh:: Today I did well until before dinner, then I over ate box stuffing and mashed taters complete with green bean casserole. Yes, I'm having that green bean goodness I love next week but I just couldn't wait and had to have some tonight. But ya know, something happened, it just didn't taste as good as I remembered.<br />So I'm asking myself, why is that? Is it because it didn't do it's job for me that I've let it do so many times before which is comfort me and make me feel better?? I keep asking myself this question tonight as my mind wandered back to that. It was good, but it wasn't as good as I remember. I could've waited till next week on turkey day. I should've waited. I've come this far though and I refuse to beat myself up over choices I make. I wanted the damn green bean crap so I made it and ate it. I didn't go back for bites before I packed the left overs in the fridge. Who am I kidding, I stayed the hell out of the kitchen away from them all together so I couldn't! Point is, I didn't go back. And that's what I'm going to focus on here, I am not going back. Not for just one more bite and not to pack on pounds I've already fought so hard to get rid of. NO way. I can do this~just gotta keep on stepping, keep on going. I CAN DO THIS AND I WILL!PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-14753690988862600772010-10-22T22:49:00.000-07:002010-10-22T22:54:59.648-07:00friday night or saturday morning?So in a few hours is the prior fat girl event/meet-up. I am so nervous/excited--I am going, although alone. Scared about that. I've never done something that brave before. Usually I will hunt down a friend or buddy who may want to go--this time I'm on my own. Never would've done that 76 pounds ago. Yes, 76. I got my head outta my rear and got on track. Weighed today after a week and was so happy. I need to figure out how to get out of those mind sets when they occur. So I will post more after tomorrow. Lots of new things going on here and so looking forward to tomorrow!PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-59466143333201094342010-10-18T08:39:00.000-07:002010-10-18T08:48:29.376-07:00strugglesApparently, I am drowning over here and can't pull my head outta my butt. Grrrrrr. I am at a loss, crabby--not sure what to do or how to do it. ::sigh:: I ate too much last night, after my post about getting back on track etc. it went wrong. Stopped at the bar after picking up some friends from the Vike's game and drank two drinks. Came home and ate more food from our crock pot Sunday. Grrrr. Today I woke up and was having more difficulty getting my 9 yr old motivated to get ready for school. I go to the kitchen to find an opened chocolate bar, opened marshmallows and graham crackers staring me in the face. S'mores, breakfast of champions. Argggghhh. Yes, I was ticked off my hubby let my oldest engage in this so what do I do? Pop a piece of the chocolate in my mouth. Darnit! I also made my own s'more this a.m. and ate 2 waffles plus a rice crispie bar that was left in the living room. I am drowning here and I need to figure out why and STOP. So my promise is to stop. Stop this insanity right flippin' now and get a grip on reality. The reality is I don't want to sabotage myself, and yet I keep doing so! I've had some stress with my oldest daughter going on and my 9 yr old and I think it's getting the best of me. I wonder if my decisions are the right ones, I don't want to make mistakes like my Mom did. I love her and later in my life our relationship was great, but when I was a child it wasn't great and I'll leave it at that. I have an intense fear of not being a good mom and it gets the best of me. If only kids came with an instruction manual. Hopefully when I post again, I will be back on track.PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-49900175557296750492010-10-17T14:17:00.000-07:002010-10-17T14:33:51.019-07:00Weekendsare fun and I also encounter my biggest challenges during them. Thursday night I went out for 'ladies night" with some girlfriends at a local bar/club. Wow, did these eyes see some "stuff", let's just leave it at that! LOL It was very fun, a lil too much on the cocktail front. We ended up at Perkins after for some post-cocktail hang-over ward off. While making good choices while out is difficult enough, let alone toss in some post drinkies and giggles with the girls, and it went out the window for me. I ordered a sausage scrambler "hold the scrambles" (no eggs-ever since I had my second child, when I eat eggs I get sick). I ate it ALL, including a muffin and fruit. It was delish. Not sure if it was the food or drinks that made me feel like I had been hit by a truck the next day but either way, it was brutal getting ready for work and doing the day with my kids! Not going to do that anytime soon again! I must say it was fun, and I felt so good wearing a new outfit I had gotten...sometimes I just need a fun, let loose kinda night.<br />Friday was fun, but I found myself trying to keep my head above water making good choices....I felt I should go hungry and eat "extra good" the whole day almost as if I am punishing myself for my choices. I didn't do badly, but not as good as I wanted...And the cycle starts all over again. I did get a great work out in, I pushed myself to do 60 mins on the elliptical. I felt great. Saturday I shared fajitas out with my hubby and more cocktail fun ensued. We felt "naughty" and ordered a pizza late night, complete with cheese. I refuse to let that frustrate me though. I CHOSE to let myself make that choice, and enjoyed every bite. I also said to myself I would slim fast it until dinner which I have done today, go me.<br />I felt like giving up and stuffing my hungry face, so I came down to check my blog and email and found a great email from Jen, Prior Fat Girl. 5 days left until her big event I signed up for scared as I was and it was all I needed to get my head back in the game and wait to eat a healthy dinner that is almost done cooking. I saw something that caught my attention as I was poking around blogs, too---"Failure is not an option". That is how I feel. It simply is NOT an option for me. I must pick myself up, move on from the choices of the past and concentrate on a new set of choice making, no punishments or guilt allowed. I can do this, I know I can....FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-3668454858583179322010-10-12T12:36:00.000-07:002010-10-12T12:53:24.335-07:00just a Tuesdayand some new thoughts runnin' around this brain of mine. I wonder if your brain loses weight, too. Seriously, think about that for a minute. There is fat all over your body, and you lose weight all over, so why not there? Without out all the crap clogging and running through your veins, wouldn't it make sense that it would help your brain too? Hmmm...I may have to look into that.<br /><br />Anyway, I wanted to post because I am amazed at what I've accomplished so far today and still there is a lot of the day left. There is no way when I was heavier, I would've gotten all this done. I've walked the dog to the groomer's, taken my youngest to the park and played, cleaned the house, done Grandpa's laundry and made and eaten lunch. Wow. OK, so it doesn't look like as much as it sounds but man, I know it would've taken me much longer to get all that done when I was 70 pounds heavier.<br /><br />Yes, I've made it to 70 lost now. More than half way to my goal. I can't pin point what made it stick this time for me, but I can say I'm loving every minute and so much happier now. To hear my 9 yr old say she is proud of me is priceless. I saw this quote a while ago--"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" and that is right on the money for me. I find myself going back to that quote when I want another helping of food even though I'm not needing it or when I want to eat the oreos that are staring me in the face when I open the pantry. I really ought to frame that and hang it on my fridge.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);font-size:180%;" ><span style="font-family: lucida grande;">N</span></span><span style="font-family: verdana; color: rgb(204, 102, 204);"></span><span style="font-family: verdana;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 204);">othing tastes as good as being</span> <span style="font-family: times new roman;font-size:78%;" >thin</span> <span style="color: rgb(204, 51, 204);">feels</span>~</span>PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-22359996939832322632010-10-03T23:05:00.000-07:002010-10-03T23:34:46.316-07:00Fat<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2SOI3O3cQXLWGzYMVaOBY1R-8ddfGMCAkOMhnYL2sC13wlbSW9RbDv-g-qcQpM8xhzUYh82ia8pG14OYUbFezEnu5x8je-3f_MJ-jg_BjA3Bkxn8F_-SzbjJcO3WMegPCTprTHQpWjuM/s1600/body+fat.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 250px; height: 250px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj2SOI3O3cQXLWGzYMVaOBY1R-8ddfGMCAkOMhnYL2sC13wlbSW9RbDv-g-qcQpM8xhzUYh82ia8pG14OYUbFezEnu5x8je-3f_MJ-jg_BjA3Bkxn8F_-SzbjJcO3WMegPCTprTHQpWjuM/s320/body+fat.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5524072016214254754" border="0" /></a>Grossly dramatic three-dimensional visual replica of human fat molded with the same techniques used to create Life/form® food replicas. A shocking but strongly motivating attention-getter. Made of soft, pliable, long-lasting vinyl plastic, this replica has a profound, memorable effect when passed around among the audience. Replica represents approximate volume of real fatty tissue; weights vary.<br /><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk92YYBDhvU763vrrUHx6fbLdG7JbHHzdQpYn_uZc0B8BfAqEcFDqUSxyxbAoFRQo3ILLRr_UTAJy_rasywMCEnh4kjh49Ng5StQNH_lxSfV1m7qXOt2zi2YG6u56E4dvZZbjpAroEhqE/s1600/fat-wagon_l.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjk92YYBDhvU763vrrUHx6fbLdG7JbHHzdQpYn_uZc0B8BfAqEcFDqUSxyxbAoFRQo3ILLRr_UTAJy_rasywMCEnh4kjh49Ng5StQNH_lxSfV1m7qXOt2zi2YG6u56E4dvZZbjpAroEhqE/s320/fat-wagon_l.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5524071050351598562" border="0" /></a><br />Here is another way to figure the fat. Two cups of fat is one pound.<br /><br /><br /><br />Folks might remember Oprah’s epic weight loss in 1988, which she celebrated by rolling out of a wagon filled with 67 pounds of fat to represent the weight she’d lost using a liquid protein diet.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />There are lots of ways to look at fat, aren't there?<br />That pic above is HUGE for me, I remember watching that Oprah episode with my Mom when she wheeled out that wagon, looking sooooo good. I wanted to do what she did. I remember her talking about how she called a friend wanting to EAT and thinking, hmmm, not so much. I cut that out of a magazine and saved that photo when I did WW after high school. It was inspirational for me. Still is. So I looked it up. I've now lost more than that wagon of fat she is pulling. I've lost 69 pounds as of today. 69 pounds is a LOT of weight. 69 pounds is two of my 2 yr old daughters. 69 pounds is 69 of those bad boy fat replicas up there. Bottom line is, 69 pounds is a LOT of weight. I am feeling good about my weight loss these days. Getting compliments at work, from friends...it's all lovely. I'm wearing a size 18 jeans that when I bought them a little over a week ago were a bit too tight, now they fit comfy. I used to wear a size 26/28. I am happy I have come this far, eager to go farther. I have filled up a lot of my rainbow path, which I will take a pic and share later. I looked at that today and felt so good that I stuck with my healthy eating plan and have reached my first short term goal, almost to my second- then on to my last. It feels so amazingly good I cannot put it into words. But believe me, I won't grow tired of trying.PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-16138406863610642692010-09-06T22:36:00.001-07:002010-09-06T22:50:18.109-07:00winnerI came on tonight to see if I had the biggest percentage of weight loss at the competition I entered. (Look for Muffin Fixation on blogs I follow for more info on future comp's) (And yes, I am too blog illiterate to play around right now and find out how to post a link. :P) So far, I did. It was pretty amazing to me to see that. I may or may not have won, but to me, tonight, I did. It feels wonderful. <br /><br />I constantly think of how far I have come now, and want to go even farther. I can't wait to hit "one"derland and experience that. As of now I have lost 62 POUNDS. 62!!!! I can't believe it but there it is. I feel so good, I struggle to put into words just how good it does feel--but I am going to try....<br /><br />1. I went to the big state fair here 3 times this year and ate well each time. By well I mean stayed healthy, if it wasn't I had one bite and felt so good about that, not one bit of me felt "denied" or unsatisfied. I felt like I wanted to take my kids down the giant slide, even though I'm afraid of heights. I wanted to take them on a ride when before I was afraid I wouldn't fit in the seat. It felt great! Next year, I will take them down the slide and I will take them on a ride-I won't have to worry about not fitting or any of that!<br /><br />2. I LOVE getting compliments. LOVE IT! Sunday Jay's Grandma (who is one cool lady) told me I looked skinny or something to that effect. She hadn't seen me for some time. THAT felt great. I also got compliments from my friends and family too, never gets old!<br /><br />3. I don't cringe when I walk by the mirror working out anymore. Instead I look, head on, to see just how I have changed. HA window reflection! lol<br /><br />These things and so many more feel so good. I can't wait to experience more!PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-47167981209723875922010-08-30T07:02:00.001-07:002010-08-30T07:44:36.082-07:00painfulI am now down 59 pounds. Noticing lots of changes, loving them all! <br /><br />I've been thinking about this post for some time now. Putting it off, but it keeps surfacing...<br />I have battled weight for most, almost all, of my life. I can remember being in 3rd grade and my teacher coming to my desk to ask me if I had lost weight. She was trying to be discreet, but I turned bright red and was mortified. I guess I had lost some weight, but her saying so had confirmed what I had been feeling about myself for some time...F-A-T. That is where it all began. The painful memories of being overweight. <br /><br />This next one is tough, the toughest one yet...Kids in grade school dubbed me "big mama"--mostly the athletic boys destined to be jocks in high-school, maybe that's where my intense dislike for the jocks or sporty boys stemmed from. Every time they said it, I would be crushed a little inside. Seems so trivial now, but writing that makes me tear up. That's when I really began to lose the little self-esteem I had left. By the time I reached junior high, we moved from a small city back to a big one. I was thrilled to be back near family etc. but I was terrified. I walked the halls of my new school constantly waiting for someone to tease me about my weight, horrified inside but trying to plan the best reaction, the best way to go unnoticed. I detested gym class. Flat out refused to put on a swim suit the entire swimming unit, except for once when I was forced to do so...no name calling. I look back on that and it my first positive experience regarding school and my weight.<br /><br />I gradually became less of an introvert, especially around my friends. I don't remember being picked on in middle school, but I do remember being terrified and living my days in panicked fear of it happening. Looking back, I can see that I wasn't that terribly over weight. I have pics to prove it. In my mind, I was grossly obese-that's all I saw. If only I had gotten some positive information, proper information...I relied on 17 magazine and GLAMOUR for accurate portrayals of how I should look. Instead it gave reason to spiral into feeling looking "good" was an impossible feat.<br /><br />By the time high school rolled around, I was probably about 15-20 pounds over weight. I, of course, thought I was morbidly over weight. I was a size 14, senior year 16--junior sizes. Still living with that fear, it was never far away. Spanish class one day we had to repeat sentences after the teacher. You had to choose a word to describe yourself. By the time it was my turn, I had two spanish words to choose from. Gordo--fat in spanish--and the thin word for spanish which I don't even remember. I felt trapped, my face was flaming red, my hands were pure sweat--my heart was beating out of my chest. I prayed for the floor to open up and swallow me in. "Angela es gordo" I said out loud. I could not say the other for fear I knew I'd hear the snickers that masked the word "liar" from the class. The teacher stopped and looked shocked, and said no, Angela, and you are not! Then she said the sentence using the other word. Isn't it funny I can't for the life of me remember what that word is but I certainly remember GORDO and LARGO. Not a word, not a noise was made by the class while that entire thing went down--I vividly remember thinking I felt the compassion and sympathy from my classmates but I told myself I must be mistaken.<br /><br /> I remember the first time I got called "hot" by a friend of my girl friend's. I was ELATED. I ended up dating him, the relationship was toxic but back then they were all learning lessons. <br /><br />I met my future husband the summer before my senior year. I wrote this quote about him in a senior project class..."I still keep a shred of hope that he'll be the one who stays forver..." And he did. My hubby has always been a bright spot in my life. My literal knight in shining armor. Never once in all our time together has he EVER made any negative weight comments about my body. Never, not once. Always been positive, always. I soooooooo love him for this (among many other things, too, of course) I need to thank him more often. This is huge for me because all my life I had lived in fear of being tormented, teased and it was always a guy. Kids in school, my brother etc. and then this amazing one walked into my life. He was the start of the real happiness in my life. We've had our ups and downs complete with mistakes along the way, but as I look back he has made me the happiest woman in the world just by being him. <br />I love a happy ending! ;o)PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-54792934507126735532010-08-17T22:47:00.000-07:002010-08-17T22:59:22.708-07:00ReflectionsI noticed something tonight after working out at the club. I did a lap between the elliptical session and octane sessions I did and noticed my reflection. I did a double take, not believing it to be true. What I saw in that reflection wasn't as bad as I remembered. I used to cringe inside when I'd be forced to see how big I let myself become. I almost couldn't stand it, there was no where else to look and it was staring me in the face. When I saw it tonight, I was pleasantly surprised. This time I looked much thinner, and it was amazing to me.<br />I have now lost 55 pounds total, as of Sunday. 55 pounds is a LOT, half way to 60, then I'm onto 70...wow. I did not think when I first began this journey, that I'd get here. It seemed so far away, to have a nice number lost under my belt--literally. Yet I am here, over half way to my second goal of this journey and it feels wonderful. I am excited to go back to work when school starts, excited to see if people notice. I so love when people give me compliments, it's like a re-charge of my weight loss motivation. <br />I had a great work-out tonight, sticking to my plan of working out every other day has been going well. Changing it up, more for ease than boredom. <br />Here's to many more surprising, exciting reflections looking back at me to come!PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-82594468789000464342010-08-13T10:57:00.000-07:002010-08-13T11:12:17.615-07:00It's all about choicesFirst things first, I am down another 2, 52 total lost so far! Ya-hoooo!<br /><br /> I put on some white <gasp> capri's that I loved and wore when I lost weight a few years ago. They were my favorite capri's, little hangy doo-dads on them, side pockets...so cute. I tried them on and they were LOOSE. LOOSE. Wearable, when I tucked in a tank and pulled them up a little higher-hee hee. I was thrilled. I looked up my old weight watcher book and now I have lost more than I did while doing WW. That felt GREAT, I have done this myself-no paying. While I did enjoy WW, it was 12 bucks a week when I went which added up. I was going to be on it for a while and it added up. I ended up quitting and well, here I am. This time I wanted to do it myself. Free. It's not rocket science, I CAN do this. I AM doing this. It feels GREAT!<br /><br />Last night I went to see Eclipse with a good friend and my sis-in-law. It was AWESOME, but I am a Twi-hard, I admit that. When we walked in, Nancy (who is also doing WW and we share our weigh-in info. to support eachother) said let's get some popcorn. I said nooooooooo, movie theatre popcorn is all kinds of EVIL bad fat-ness injected--you really don't want it. How 'bout some twizzlers to share instead?? Yes, you are right she said and we split a pack. No fat, some sugar, but not bad. I was thinking about this after and I feel a little biz-natch-y for doing that. But she is a super close friend and I knew she appreciated it. I talked her out of dumping that crap into her tummy! It's little choices like that, that add up to losses on the scale. I have learned that much so far. <br />I am so elated to be going down again, when I was up a couple weigh-in's after so much hard work, it was tough. But I stuck to it when I wanted to give up, got back on when I fell off with a couple pizza and slider snack fests and now I am down 52. If I had let that slip up continue, I'd be letting go of all my hard work and watching it slip away, back onto my body as fat. I need to remind myself of these things when I am up again and have a rough patch. I am committed to getting to my goal, one good choice at a time.PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-84359173911393982772010-08-08T22:28:00.001-07:002010-08-08T22:43:21.013-07:00Half emptyYes, I meant half empty, I have now lost 50 pounds. <br />50 FREAKIN POUNDS! ON MY OWN! I am half way to my first big goal now. <br />I colored in my rainbow path (will post pics soon) and looked at it in awe. I did that, I made that happen. By my own will power, my own eating plan. I am so happy yet shocked by that. I've done WW, it worked, I lost weight but I left it, it cost so much. I've tried other diets, and they worked, I lost weight but didn't stick to it-obviously, I'm here writing this blog, right? Something this time clicked. Maybe it's because I finally hit bottom and I just will not live the fat life anymore. Maybe it's because my hubby inspired me and it's SO much easier doing this with him. Whatever it is, it's working and I'm sticking with it. <br />I love being 50 pounds thinner. I am starting to see the hard work paying off. My collar bones are visible again. My face looks thinner. I love getting compliments. I ran into some friends the other night and my friend said to me, wow, you have lost weight. That felt so good. Someone noticed! Someone sees my hard work, too! When you have a lot to lose, it takes a while for people to notice. I won't lie here, a part of me feels almost ashamed that I have lost 50 pounds. Isn't that crazy?! Yeah it is! But that part of me knows that 50 is a lot, and I still clearly have a lot yet to go. It all goes back to, how did I get here--how did I let it go so much??! Not going to go down that road, hindsight is 50/50. <br />A lot of sweat, hard work and will power went into each and every one of those 50 pounds that are gone and I will be proud of them--along with the next 50! "oDPurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-2477706383543865462010-07-30T09:12:00.000-07:002010-07-30T09:30:28.905-07:00TGIF and other stuffFRIDAY is here, yay, love my weekends with my family! <br />I weighed in today, down 1. 8. I'll take it. For the last couple weigh in's, I have been up and this has frustrated me and thrown a wrench in my goals and plan. I let it sabotage me for a while too...sigh....well, no more. I promised myself I would get on plan which I did and not weigh till Friday which I did and I am back on, woo-hoo! <br />I think I only worked out once this week, and I am really craving it, today I'm getting a good workout in and tomorrow as well! Now onto the other stuff I mentioned....<br /><br />A friend on FB tagged a couple pics of me and I could not believe what I saw. Remember that new shirt I talked about buying with my sister?? Well, in these pics I was wearing that shirt. In my mind, I looked much thinner in that shirt than those pictures showed. It was a wake up call for me. My first reaction when I saw those photos was "wow, look at that beautiful fat girl! Nice hair, nice make-up, cute clothes...but FAT. Not just "chubby" "chunky" "could stand to lose a couple pounds" but "FAT" "OBESE" "XXL" --and it was surprising to me. I did not FEEL how I LOOKED in that photo. I felt like a thinner person when I went out that night. I had lost 47 pounds, I had a new shirt on.... It makes me wonder, do fat people not see how they truly appear to the world? Is anyone else like this or am I the only screwed up one? This is a long road to head down and it is full of twists, turns and detours I did not expect nor want to take. But I am on this road for the duration, I have promised myself this and I will stick to it. I am back on and like Dory said....keep on swimming, just keep swimming.....<br />At the end of every post I am going to list another reason why I want to lose weight...so here's another...so how I look and how I *think* I look are one and the same!PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-15516356391988754072010-07-27T03:31:00.000-07:002010-07-27T03:35:39.159-07:00slip-upsI have had a yuck-o 3 days. To sum it up, pizza, mexican and sliders. Saturday, Sunday & Monday. It all started when I had a couple of crap weigh-in's, after I had worked so hard exercising and eating right all week. I keep thinking, if it gets tough now, how will I ever get there?!! I don't know, but I do know that I can't give up. I found another blogger that started out like I did, doing the same things program wise that I am. She made it to 100 pounds lost and I can do this too. I have a plan for today to "de-tox" my crappy past 3 days and I will do this weight loss thing!!!!!!!!!!PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-21298368163799867942010-07-23T21:33:00.000-07:002010-07-23T21:51:00.671-07:00(*%#(&%(* scaleI worked hard this week. Ate on plan, worked out 5 days, M-F and thought I'd have a really good week on the weigh-in. Nope. I was up the other day point something and I was up today .7 or .6 -I got down. I worked SO HARD this week, I was fully hoping for nice results. My thoughts were going something along the lines of this...I'm not quite half-way to my first big goal I have set for myself. I know it's going to get harder, I know I'll hit plateaus etc...but I just was hoping, PRAYING that things would keep going down for sometime before it got hard. Yes, I've come a long way, I am so proud of that. But, I've got a long way to go. I started second guessing myself, trying to explain to my comforting hubby that if it gets so hard already, how am I ever going to keep this battle up?! He reminded me why we are on this healthy journey in the first place, and that I'll get there...I explained that part of why I'm on this journey is also because I am sick and tired of being fat. I just don't want any part of it anymore--shopping at the large size stores, sweating when everyone else isn't, being super size...the list goes on. I am 37 and I want to enjoy being a normal size before I'm too old to look good anymore! Part of me laughs at that, part of me cries saying that out loud. I have lived the majority of my life fat. I've already shaved time off my life because of being fat. I will no longer let this control me, food is NOT that important-my life--IS. It makes me sad to think my Mom never got to see me thin. I was normal as a child, until around 2nd-3rd grade and then I lost 40+ pounds after high-school and wore a size juniors 13. That was at my thinnest and I loved it. My Mom loved me regardless, but I have this sadness that she won't see me thin. It makes me sad. Seeing that number on the scale be up instead of down like I so anticipated was such a downer. I didn't let it ruin my day, yes-I shed some tears but I let it go and had a wonderful day. I stayed on plan today and worked out, then walked with a friend after dinner. I plan on weighing tomorrow again, I need to see what the numbers say. Not sure how I'll react to another plus should it pop up, but I'm sure a post will be coming.PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1332081774155885699.post-60492483969194473962010-07-20T22:36:00.000-07:002010-07-20T22:58:24.056-07:00A letter to meI saw this idea from another blogger who mentioned yet another blogger had done this...confused yet? At any rate, I've had some things/thoughts floating around in this brain of mine lately and this seemed like a perfect way to let them out in some type of organized fashion. So here goes...<br /><br />Dear me,<br /><br />Just a letter to say a few things...I LOVE LOVE LOVE your will power. You have now survived and stuck with this healthy eating plan for two seasons, going on three. You started in spring and kept it up through summer now, that's a record I believe. Yes, you've "gone off the wagon" a time or two, but you've made the decision to do so and also made allowances for those decisions, good or bad. You stuck with them, and stuck to it. That is CHANGE, change for the better. May this will power carry on, relentlessly. <br /><br />I am so proud of the excercise habits you are making. You are continually working out, got through being sick, got through hurting your ankle etc. and yet you did not fall back into old habits, you kept strong and got back to working out. This is one of the most important success' and key to losing weight as consistantly as you have. Like a friend once said--it's not rocket science, burn more calories than you take in." As if it was only indeed that easy, but in a way that makes you get back to basics when you lose sight of it all. <br /><br />I love the body that is emerging, I like to think of it as a caterpillar shedding it's ultra huge cocoon. I caught a glimpse of myself in a window reflection tonight while on a bike ride with my family. I did a double take. I am really shrinking, I can see it. Then I think, am I really or is it this fooling mind? He he. I KNOW I am, I have physical evidence. My clothes are too big, clothes that were once too tight are now too big and it's WONDERFUL. I remember catching glimpses of myself in the reflection at work and I would look away quickly, ashamed of myself and what I had become. Now, I see a new body coming alive again and it's electrifying! <br /><br />I want to remind you of why you started on this journey for the finale--your future. Your future that includes your children, your children's children (if you are so blessed) and so on. I want to see all my children grow and learn, explore life...There is so much we do not control, this is one thing I can to try and insure a future that lasts. I want to look good. LOOK GEWWWWWWWWD. I want to shop at any store, I want to have several great choices to wear when Jay and I are going for a night out, I want to wear "skinny jeans"...so many more but these will suffice for now. <br /><br />I no longer want the stress of "if I stand this way, I'll look thinner..." or "will it be so hot at work today that I'll be the only one sweating bullets?!" I want to sit with my legs crossed comfortably. I want to feel good in my body. I want to go to the amusement park with my kids and know I can get on any ride and not worry if I will be able to buckle up without a struggle. <br /><br />You CAN do this, you ARE doing this. YOU WILL DO THIS. You are almost half way there. A couple short months ago you were staring down the barrel of a long, long path. Now, you are almost half way down that path. You can get to the end of that path, know that you can. Yes it will take more sweat, more struggle, more tears and more will power-but you will get there and you will cross that finish line a winner this time!PurplePoizonhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09039551427524192772noreply@blogger.com2