struggles

Apparently, I am drowning over here and can't pull my head outta my butt. Grrrrrr. I am at a loss, crabby--not sure what to do or how to do it. ::sigh:: I ate too much last night, after my post about getting back on track etc. it went wrong. Stopped at the bar after picking up some friends from the Vike's game and drank two drinks. Came home and ate more food from our crock pot Sunday. Grrrr. Today I woke up and was having more difficulty getting my 9 yr old motivated to get ready for school. I go to the kitchen to find an opened chocolate bar, opened marshmallows and graham crackers staring me in the face. S'mores, breakfast of champions. Argggghhh. Yes, I was ticked off my hubby let my oldest engage in this so what do I do? Pop a piece of the chocolate in my mouth. Darnit! I also made my own s'more this a.m. and ate 2 waffles plus a rice crispie bar that was left in the living room. I am drowning here and I need to figure out why and STOP. So my promise is to stop. Stop this insanity right flippin' now and get a grip on reality. The reality is I don't want to sabotage myself, and yet I keep doing so! I've had some stress with my oldest daughter going on and my 9 yr old and I think it's getting the best of me. I wonder if my decisions are the right ones, I don't want to make mistakes like my Mom did. I love her and later in my life our relationship was great, but when I was a child it wasn't great and I'll leave it at that. I have an intense fear of not being a good mom and it gets the best of me. If only kids came with an instruction manual. Hopefully when I post again, I will be back on track.