On the one hand, I feel that yes, it is indeed. On the other hand, my new, healthier journey self is telling me that no, 'tis not. I've been having some struggles. I have not jumped ship here, don't get me wrong, but some choices have not been the best I could do, either.
Take today for example, I told myself I would work-out. I did not. We got a ton of snow, again, and I did not feel like braving the elements to venture to the gym. So I wrapped presents with my 9 yr old, and then I did our cards. All in all a productive evening, but I did not achieve my goal of working out so I feel failure-ish. I don't like that!
As far as eating goes, I didn't do badly--but it could have been better. I felt slightly stressed and almost let food take over. But, I didn't. I need to change that to a win in my brain instead of a failure. So I missed working out, it's not the end of the world. I'll go tomorrow and start a-new.
Maybe I'm feeling deprived, I've made it through 2 holiday parties without over-indulging. I don't feel like I am deprived, but I feel like I should be. Does that make sense? My old self is saying--you didn't shove tons of cookies in your gut, you didn't take several trips to the food, you didn't over load your plate...my new self is saying "VICTORY!" Sometimes I literally feel like a battle is going on within myself. I felt like I should eat a ton since I didn't bother working out today. I feel this need to punish myself with sabotage, it's crazy. I often wonder when that will ever end. Only time will tell.
On another note, I have reached 85 pounds lost as weigh-in last Thursday. I was thrilled, finally, I hit under 81 lost, it took a while. I am now 15 away from hitting my first goal which was to lose 100 pounds. I am so amazed by that, I love it. Stay tuned....
Monday, December 20, 2010
Thursday, November 18, 2010
5
I have 5 followers, yayyyyyyyyy!
I used to get so excited when I'd get a little comment here or there, but now I looked and I have 5 followers, hope you like reading this lil blog and you comment and stick around my fab 5! lol
Today has been good, I did a short biggest loser workout this a.m. and hit the gym tonight for a 30 min elliptical session. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I signed up for the Turkey Trot, a 5k that I'm speed walking in with a couple friends of mine next week on thanksgiving. Anyway, i did a 3 mile speed walk the other night during a workout and I wanted to do it in 45 mins. I did it in 52 instead. Not bad, but I'll keep on working on it.
I really don't think I'm getting the best of my workouts though. I'm sweating a ton, and doing elliptical and now sometimes octane and/or tread, but I feel like I could be doing more. I'd love to ask a trainer their opinion on what I could do to maximize fat burning on my workouts, but I am no where near that brave yet. Guess I could look on the net and poke around seeing what I find out too. What's a good workout for you? Any ideas for me?
I used to get so excited when I'd get a little comment here or there, but now I looked and I have 5 followers, hope you like reading this lil blog and you comment and stick around my fab 5! lol
Today has been good, I did a short biggest loser workout this a.m. and hit the gym tonight for a 30 min elliptical session. Like I mentioned in a previous post, I signed up for the Turkey Trot, a 5k that I'm speed walking in with a couple friends of mine next week on thanksgiving. Anyway, i did a 3 mile speed walk the other night during a workout and I wanted to do it in 45 mins. I did it in 52 instead. Not bad, but I'll keep on working on it.
I really don't think I'm getting the best of my workouts though. I'm sweating a ton, and doing elliptical and now sometimes octane and/or tread, but I feel like I could be doing more. I'd love to ask a trainer their opinion on what I could do to maximize fat burning on my workouts, but I am no where near that brave yet. Guess I could look on the net and poke around seeing what I find out too. What's a good workout for you? Any ideas for me?
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Wednesday Schmenesday
Well, I'm happy to blog that I've gotten back on track and had a great work-out last night.
It's not been easy, I have pin pointed my toughest time for having to stop myself with eating is late afternoon/early evening, before dinner. While making dinner it's darn near impossible not to snack and indulge for me. Then dinner is ready and I'm not even hungry, because I've filled up on everything then I eat dinner anyway! I'm trying to battle back with this fight by having crystal light readily available (love that stuff-but I am trying to break myself of it eventually) and veggie snacks. SO HARD! Once dinner is over, it's much easier for me. I tell myself I'm "done" with food for the day, and that's it. I also love a work-out in the evening, I feel like I'm burning more calories working out late. Don't know if that's true or not, but it feels good in my mind!
I've also got a new motivator, I'm doing my first ever 5K, Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning! Never thought in a million years I'd be doing a 5K, let alone at the butt crack of dawn. GO ME! It helps that a great friend of mine agreed to do it as well, moral support is awesome.
One thing I've been thinking about lately is wondering why I've been successful this time around. And doing it alone, no programs, no meal plans, no calorie counting...just me. I think it's that I have just kept on with it. If I have a bad time with something-giving in to a dessert, for example-which for me easily leads into "well, I had that so I may as well have this too" which leads to "why work-out, I've already done damage" then it can be a couple days before I get out of that hole and back on track. Before now, I'd get that bad and quit. Although I haven't had a really bad lengthy mess up time, I've gotten myself back on track each time I slip up. I've kept on stepping, even if it's little steps. And I'm here to tell ya, those little steps add up to noticeable changes and it works. I've got 79 pounds of back up to say lil steps add up! There is no quitting this time for me, even when I get to goal, I will still be on a healthy quest for my body. So here's to health & happiness, one step at a time!
It's not been easy, I have pin pointed my toughest time for having to stop myself with eating is late afternoon/early evening, before dinner. While making dinner it's darn near impossible not to snack and indulge for me. Then dinner is ready and I'm not even hungry, because I've filled up on everything then I eat dinner anyway! I'm trying to battle back with this fight by having crystal light readily available (love that stuff-but I am trying to break myself of it eventually) and veggie snacks. SO HARD! Once dinner is over, it's much easier for me. I tell myself I'm "done" with food for the day, and that's it. I also love a work-out in the evening, I feel like I'm burning more calories working out late. Don't know if that's true or not, but it feels good in my mind!
I've also got a new motivator, I'm doing my first ever 5K, Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning! Never thought in a million years I'd be doing a 5K, let alone at the butt crack of dawn. GO ME! It helps that a great friend of mine agreed to do it as well, moral support is awesome.
One thing I've been thinking about lately is wondering why I've been successful this time around. And doing it alone, no programs, no meal plans, no calorie counting...just me. I think it's that I have just kept on with it. If I have a bad time with something-giving in to a dessert, for example-which for me easily leads into "well, I had that so I may as well have this too" which leads to "why work-out, I've already done damage" then it can be a couple days before I get out of that hole and back on track. Before now, I'd get that bad and quit. Although I haven't had a really bad lengthy mess up time, I've gotten myself back on track each time I slip up. I've kept on stepping, even if it's little steps. And I'm here to tell ya, those little steps add up to noticeable changes and it works. I've got 79 pounds of back up to say lil steps add up! There is no quitting this time for me, even when I get to goal, I will still be on a healthy quest for my body. So here's to health & happiness, one step at a time!
Monday, November 15, 2010
frustration
I am at one of those yucky places right now. Eating has not been great, not all bad but not great either. I'm trying to see where I lost footing, slipped up and identify how to get back on.
The holidays are upon me and I've never really gone through them trying to be healthy before. I can see it's not going to be easy.
I haven't worked out since Saturday, which now that that's down on paper it doesn't seem so bad. It's Tuesday today. I had a goal of every other day that was working well though so I've let myself down.
So, there's 3 things that I need to turn around. Getting out of this yucky place where I let go and eat too much--I'm not really making bad choices, just eating too much. So why am I doing that?? I weighed in Sunday and was up 3. I was/am down 79--I do not take back what I've achieved even if I have a gain so in my mind, I'm still down 79. I've sweat, screamed, cried and punched out those 79 pounds, I'll be damned if I add them back on again! So I was up, and I know why--it's from the cocktails I indulged in on Thursday night, then Saturday night. Not a lot, but enough and boy, do they pack the calories! On Sunday I made a pretty healthy dip for my hubby during the game and proceeded to eat half of it with tortilla chips to boot. Then it was, well, I've eaten that much, might as well eat two of the yummy crock pot pulled pork sandwiches with an added couple bites of my 2 yr old's too. ::sigh:: Today I did well until before dinner, then I over ate box stuffing and mashed taters complete with green bean casserole. Yes, I'm having that green bean goodness I love next week but I just couldn't wait and had to have some tonight. But ya know, something happened, it just didn't taste as good as I remembered.
So I'm asking myself, why is that? Is it because it didn't do it's job for me that I've let it do so many times before which is comfort me and make me feel better?? I keep asking myself this question tonight as my mind wandered back to that. It was good, but it wasn't as good as I remember. I could've waited till next week on turkey day. I should've waited. I've come this far though and I refuse to beat myself up over choices I make. I wanted the damn green bean crap so I made it and ate it. I didn't go back for bites before I packed the left overs in the fridge. Who am I kidding, I stayed the hell out of the kitchen away from them all together so I couldn't! Point is, I didn't go back. And that's what I'm going to focus on here, I am not going back. Not for just one more bite and not to pack on pounds I've already fought so hard to get rid of. NO way. I can do this~just gotta keep on stepping, keep on going. I CAN DO THIS AND I WILL!
The holidays are upon me and I've never really gone through them trying to be healthy before. I can see it's not going to be easy.
I haven't worked out since Saturday, which now that that's down on paper it doesn't seem so bad. It's Tuesday today. I had a goal of every other day that was working well though so I've let myself down.
So, there's 3 things that I need to turn around. Getting out of this yucky place where I let go and eat too much--I'm not really making bad choices, just eating too much. So why am I doing that?? I weighed in Sunday and was up 3. I was/am down 79--I do not take back what I've achieved even if I have a gain so in my mind, I'm still down 79. I've sweat, screamed, cried and punched out those 79 pounds, I'll be damned if I add them back on again! So I was up, and I know why--it's from the cocktails I indulged in on Thursday night, then Saturday night. Not a lot, but enough and boy, do they pack the calories! On Sunday I made a pretty healthy dip for my hubby during the game and proceeded to eat half of it with tortilla chips to boot. Then it was, well, I've eaten that much, might as well eat two of the yummy crock pot pulled pork sandwiches with an added couple bites of my 2 yr old's too. ::sigh:: Today I did well until before dinner, then I over ate box stuffing and mashed taters complete with green bean casserole. Yes, I'm having that green bean goodness I love next week but I just couldn't wait and had to have some tonight. But ya know, something happened, it just didn't taste as good as I remembered.
So I'm asking myself, why is that? Is it because it didn't do it's job for me that I've let it do so many times before which is comfort me and make me feel better?? I keep asking myself this question tonight as my mind wandered back to that. It was good, but it wasn't as good as I remember. I could've waited till next week on turkey day. I should've waited. I've come this far though and I refuse to beat myself up over choices I make. I wanted the damn green bean crap so I made it and ate it. I didn't go back for bites before I packed the left overs in the fridge. Who am I kidding, I stayed the hell out of the kitchen away from them all together so I couldn't! Point is, I didn't go back. And that's what I'm going to focus on here, I am not going back. Not for just one more bite and not to pack on pounds I've already fought so hard to get rid of. NO way. I can do this~just gotta keep on stepping, keep on going. I CAN DO THIS AND I WILL!
Friday, October 22, 2010
friday night or saturday morning?
So in a few hours is the prior fat girl event/meet-up. I am so nervous/excited--I am going, although alone. Scared about that. I've never done something that brave before. Usually I will hunt down a friend or buddy who may want to go--this time I'm on my own. Never would've done that 76 pounds ago. Yes, 76. I got my head outta my rear and got on track. Weighed today after a week and was so happy. I need to figure out how to get out of those mind sets when they occur. So I will post more after tomorrow. Lots of new things going on here and so looking forward to tomorrow!
Monday, October 18, 2010
struggles
Apparently, I am drowning over here and can't pull my head outta my butt. Grrrrrr. I am at a loss, crabby--not sure what to do or how to do it. ::sigh:: I ate too much last night, after my post about getting back on track etc. it went wrong. Stopped at the bar after picking up some friends from the Vike's game and drank two drinks. Came home and ate more food from our crock pot Sunday. Grrrr. Today I woke up and was having more difficulty getting my 9 yr old motivated to get ready for school. I go to the kitchen to find an opened chocolate bar, opened marshmallows and graham crackers staring me in the face. S'mores, breakfast of champions. Argggghhh. Yes, I was ticked off my hubby let my oldest engage in this so what do I do? Pop a piece of the chocolate in my mouth. Darnit! I also made my own s'more this a.m. and ate 2 waffles plus a rice crispie bar that was left in the living room. I am drowning here and I need to figure out why and STOP. So my promise is to stop. Stop this insanity right flippin' now and get a grip on reality. The reality is I don't want to sabotage myself, and yet I keep doing so! I've had some stress with my oldest daughter going on and my 9 yr old and I think it's getting the best of me. I wonder if my decisions are the right ones, I don't want to make mistakes like my Mom did. I love her and later in my life our relationship was great, but when I was a child it wasn't great and I'll leave it at that. I have an intense fear of not being a good mom and it gets the best of me. If only kids came with an instruction manual. Hopefully when I post again, I will be back on track.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Weekends
are fun and I also encounter my biggest challenges during them. Thursday night I went out for 'ladies night" with some girlfriends at a local bar/club. Wow, did these eyes see some "stuff", let's just leave it at that! LOL It was very fun, a lil too much on the cocktail front. We ended up at Perkins after for some post-cocktail hang-over ward off. While making good choices while out is difficult enough, let alone toss in some post drinkies and giggles with the girls, and it went out the window for me. I ordered a sausage scrambler "hold the scrambles" (no eggs-ever since I had my second child, when I eat eggs I get sick). I ate it ALL, including a muffin and fruit. It was delish. Not sure if it was the food or drinks that made me feel like I had been hit by a truck the next day but either way, it was brutal getting ready for work and doing the day with my kids! Not going to do that anytime soon again! I must say it was fun, and I felt so good wearing a new outfit I had gotten...sometimes I just need a fun, let loose kinda night.
Friday was fun, but I found myself trying to keep my head above water making good choices....I felt I should go hungry and eat "extra good" the whole day almost as if I am punishing myself for my choices. I didn't do badly, but not as good as I wanted...And the cycle starts all over again. I did get a great work out in, I pushed myself to do 60 mins on the elliptical. I felt great. Saturday I shared fajitas out with my hubby and more cocktail fun ensued. We felt "naughty" and ordered a pizza late night, complete with cheese. I refuse to let that frustrate me though. I CHOSE to let myself make that choice, and enjoyed every bite. I also said to myself I would slim fast it until dinner which I have done today, go me.
I felt like giving up and stuffing my hungry face, so I came down to check my blog and email and found a great email from Jen, Prior Fat Girl. 5 days left until her big event I signed up for scared as I was and it was all I needed to get my head back in the game and wait to eat a healthy dinner that is almost done cooking. I saw something that caught my attention as I was poking around blogs, too---"Failure is not an option". That is how I feel. It simply is NOT an option for me. I must pick myself up, move on from the choices of the past and concentrate on a new set of choice making, no punishments or guilt allowed. I can do this, I know I can....FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!
Friday was fun, but I found myself trying to keep my head above water making good choices....I felt I should go hungry and eat "extra good" the whole day almost as if I am punishing myself for my choices. I didn't do badly, but not as good as I wanted...And the cycle starts all over again. I did get a great work out in, I pushed myself to do 60 mins on the elliptical. I felt great. Saturday I shared fajitas out with my hubby and more cocktail fun ensued. We felt "naughty" and ordered a pizza late night, complete with cheese. I refuse to let that frustrate me though. I CHOSE to let myself make that choice, and enjoyed every bite. I also said to myself I would slim fast it until dinner which I have done today, go me.
I felt like giving up and stuffing my hungry face, so I came down to check my blog and email and found a great email from Jen, Prior Fat Girl. 5 days left until her big event I signed up for scared as I was and it was all I needed to get my head back in the game and wait to eat a healthy dinner that is almost done cooking. I saw something that caught my attention as I was poking around blogs, too---"Failure is not an option". That is how I feel. It simply is NOT an option for me. I must pick myself up, move on from the choices of the past and concentrate on a new set of choice making, no punishments or guilt allowed. I can do this, I know I can....FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!
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