Monday, December 20, 2010

It's the most wonderful time of the year...

On the one hand, I feel that yes, it is indeed. On the other hand, my new, healthier journey self is telling me that no, 'tis not. I've been having some struggles. I have not jumped ship here, don't get me wrong, but some choices have not been the best I could do, either.
Take today for example, I told myself I would work-out. I did not. We got a ton of snow, again, and I did not feel like braving the elements to venture to the gym. So I wrapped presents with my 9 yr old, and then I did our cards. All in all a productive evening, but I did not achieve my goal of working out so I feel failure-ish. I don't like that!
As far as eating goes, I didn't do badly--but it could have been better. I felt slightly stressed and almost let food take over. But, I didn't. I need to change that to a win in my brain instead of a failure. So I missed working out, it's not the end of the world. I'll go tomorrow and start a-new.
Maybe I'm feeling deprived, I've made it through 2 holiday parties without over-indulging. I don't feel like I am deprived, but I feel like I should be. Does that make sense? My old self is saying--you didn't shove tons of cookies in your gut, you didn't take several trips to the food, you didn't over load your new self is saying "VICTORY!" Sometimes I literally feel like a battle is going on within myself. I felt like I should eat a ton since I didn't bother working out today. I feel this need to punish myself with sabotage, it's crazy. I often wonder when that will ever end. Only time will tell.
On another note, I have reached 85 pounds lost as weigh-in last Thursday. I was thrilled, finally, I hit under 81 lost, it took a while. I am now 15 away from hitting my first goal which was to lose 100 pounds. I am so amazed by that, I love it. Stay tuned....