Sunday, June 27, 2010

McDonald's french fries

used to be a downfall of mine. Well, they still are but I resisted their fried soggy ( I love the soft, squishy ones) goodness today and I am blogging about it. We stopped at McD's as a treat to the kids for lunch today and I always sneak 2 or 3--ok--maybe more like 6 or 8--fries from them. Today I decided I wasn't going to. I thought about it for a second, did I really want that fry or two? Not really I concluded. Could I not even sneak a single fry? Yes, I can! I did it, I did not eat one single fry. Then later, the kidlets didn't finish theirs and I wanted to wash the table cloth that was on the table. Those fries stared me in the face daring me to eat them. I did not. I am not crabby, feeling like I denied myself something nor am I craving something saltly...I *dare I say it* feel like I'm making some progress here! I really feel like this is a change I can stay with. That feels great!
I have lost 42 pounds now and THAT feels great. Of course, my mind always wanders to the fact that I have much more to go, but I'm well on my way and I will get there. Come hell or high water (as my mom used to say) I will get there!

Monday, June 21, 2010


It's so odd, this relationship I have with food. ::sigh::

I got on the wii fit today and was up 3. I knew I'd be up, I had champagne Friday at a bon fire with friends, washington apple drinks Saturday and Sunday--plus Saturday had some appy goodness that wasn't quite on my plan but I made that choice to have it. TOday I made the choice to kick my butt into gear again. I ate a veggie burger for lunch with a salad and for dinner it was a smart ones. I had a snack of chocolate chex mix 1 serving, which was 5g of fat in 1/2 cup. It was so good. I made it. I wanted to eat tonight when we got home from 'Manda's softball game. Jay was eating fresco tacos since he hadn't eaten and I wanted some. Boy, did I want some. It's light and they are good...I started to make a list of reasons why it would be OK if I did eat one. But I stuck to my rule and had none. GO ME!
I started thinking about why it was so hard for me to say no to eating. I watched an episode of Intervention and the man had bulimia and was an alcoholic. I was wondering why I didn't turn to that. Eating what I wanted and throwing up. Never have I done that. I guess that's a good thing. On the other hand, I want to be thin SO BADLY that I almost think going down that road would've gotten me to thin faster than this road is. Now I know that it's wrong for many reasons-but that thought crossed my mind. I did not want to eat anymore after seeing his struggle. And the best part-he beat his disease. I am going to get to my goal and beat mine this time, I know I am.

Saturday, June 19, 2010


I am sick right now with the blog I just read....we encounter these kind of people each and everyday. It sickens me so many have no manners-compassion...I just showed it to my 12 year old who was disgusted by the rude women. At least it gives me a lil ray of happiness that I'm raising 3 beautiful souls who will have compassion for others.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

12 days

I am (well, was) super excited to post that I have now lost 38 pounds. So I decided to look back and see when I posted my last loss-it was 12 days ago and I had lost 35, now today I was at a 38 pound loss. That's only 3 pounds, 3 pounds in 12 days. I get upset by that? No. I am not letting myself. Trying anyway. There was a vacation tucked in there, too. But I have really tried hard, kept it going and stuck to it. Didn't eat when I wanted the last couple nights. I was proud of myself for that. Dangit I hate when the damn scale does this to me. Grrrr. I need to focus on the good stuff. Let's see....Clothes are fitting a lot better now. I have gone down 2 sizes in tops or more and 2 in jeans. I can take my jeans/capris etc out of the dryer after washing them in warm water and they fit, they are even a little loose! I FEEL great, too. I saw myself in the reflection at work the other day before school was out and I did a double take, I wasn't so huge looking! I actually looked not too bad I thought, lol. So I am going to make myself focus on those points and not the number on the scale. I also worked out good, hard work outs 2x this week. Tomorrow I'm going to do a home work out with the kids, we dance for 30 mins. I push it hard, then slow it down a bit, then push it hard etc. in that time frame. There's even a new "classic rock work out" channel on our tv, woo-hoo!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

saw something...

on a fellow blog post and it triggered something in me. "We just don't use food as it's supposed to be used."

Wow. Powerful words to me right there. Those words summarize in a single sentence why I'm on this journey. Why I'm sitting here re-evaluating where I'm at in life. I do not use food as it should be used. How did I get here?! Oh, I know how I got here, stuffing my face, that's how. But how did I let it get so out of control??? I don't know. But I think this journey will help me find that out in more ways than 1.

Today while at my daughter's softball tourney, as I was entertaining (or trying to) my 2 yr old in the car while it rained-I kept thinking when am I going to eat?? I got a workout in today, which I was proud of since I hadn't in a while and after ate a lovely bowl of kashi crisp cereal and a banana. It was after 2 and i hadn't eaten lunch. The concession stand had hot dogs, burgers, etc.--none of which fit into my food plan. We did buy an apple for AJ which she didn't eat so I ate it. I wasn't even hungry but I was starting to panic about food. As AJ was napping, I kept thinking about that...why do I panic like that?? I'm not trapped on an island with no hope of food in sight, so why?? I think it's a control thing. I need to know what's next on my food agenda and if I don't, I get a little unglued. So weird. I am discovering so much on this journey this time around. I really feel like I will taste what it's like to be normal, skinny, NOT FAT again. And I can't wait!

Saturday, June 5, 2010

drum roll please...

I have now lost ***35 pounds***!!!!!!
So happy about that. I have not been getting my work outs in as of late, and felt guilty. I did make good food choices and it has paid off. I even had my daughter bring 2 big boxes of oreos home and yes, I ate 5 I think. I felt so bad, but I didn't do any more damage and got it under control. GO ME! Normally, I would've wanted to eat a bunch and dunk em in milk, love that soggy oreo goodness. I read the nutrition label and said no way is that worth it. I got it under control and stayed away from them ever since. So proud of myself.