It's so odd, this relationship I have with food. ::sigh::
I got on the wii fit today and was up 3. I knew I'd be up, I had champagne Friday at a bon fire with friends, washington apple drinks Saturday and Sunday--plus Saturday had some appy goodness that wasn't quite on my plan but I made that choice to have it. TOday I made the choice to kick my butt into gear again. I ate a veggie burger for lunch with a salad and for dinner it was a smart ones. I had a snack of chocolate chex mix 1 serving, which was 5g of fat in 1/2 cup. It was so good. I made it. I wanted to eat tonight when we got home from 'Manda's softball game. Jay was eating fresco tacos since he hadn't eaten and I wanted some. Boy, did I want some. It's light and they are good...I started to make a list of reasons why it would be OK if I did eat one. But I stuck to my rule and had none. GO ME!
I started thinking about why it was so hard for me to say no to eating. I watched an episode of Intervention and the man had bulimia and was an alcoholic. I was wondering why I didn't turn to that. Eating what I wanted and throwing up. Never have I done that. I guess that's a good thing. On the other hand, I want to be thin SO BADLY that I almost think going down that road would've gotten me to thin faster than this road is. Now I know that it's wrong for many reasons-but that thought crossed my mind. I did not want to eat anymore after seeing his struggle. And the best part-he beat his disease. I am going to get to my goal and beat mine this time, I know I am.
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I have a really dysfunctional relationship with food too. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever be fixed, but sometimes I feel like I am really starting to be in a good place with it. I have to remind myself that I am learning and need to forgive myself -- and for me personally, I need a handful of my favorite things (Chex Mix etc) once in awhile for this to be sustainable. Otherwise, I know I can't do this forever. Figuring out the appropriate balance of indulgent treats and "You really should just stay away from that" is hard for me.
ReplyDeleteI have a love hate affair going on with food. I try and be good, but every once in a while the old binge monster sneaks up on me. You can do this though.
ReplyDeleteI have to say thanks Sarah and Debbie--you made my day with posting comments!
ReplyDeletei agree with both of you--I know that to do this, I need to be able to eat normal stuff like chex mix, and learn to say what i used to think was an eye dropper full, is really indeed enough.