saw something...

on a fellow blog post and it triggered something in me. "We just don't use food as it's supposed to be used."

Wow. Powerful words to me right there. Those words summarize in a single sentence why I'm on this journey. Why I'm sitting here re-evaluating where I'm at in life. I do not use food as it should be used. How did I get here?! Oh, I know how I got here, stuffing my face, that's how. But how did I let it get so out of control??? I don't know. But I think this journey will help me find that out in more ways than 1.

Today while at my daughter's softball tourney, as I was entertaining (or trying to) my 2 yr old in the car while it rained-I kept thinking when am I going to eat?? I got a workout in today, which I was proud of since I hadn't in a while and after ate a lovely bowl of kashi crisp cereal and a banana. It was after 2 and i hadn't eaten lunch. The concession stand had hot dogs, burgers, etc.--none of which fit into my food plan. We did buy an apple for AJ which she didn't eat so I ate it. I wasn't even hungry but I was starting to panic about food. As AJ was napping, I kept thinking about that...why do I panic like that?? I'm not trapped on an island with no hope of food in sight, so why?? I think it's a control thing. I need to know what's next on my food agenda and if I don't, I get a little unglued. So weird. I am discovering so much on this journey this time around. I really feel like I will taste what it's like to be normal, skinny, NOT FAT again. And I can't wait!