new title

So I made a new name for my blog. I wanted something a little more catchy, creative, even after saying this wasn't about being catchy or creative. He he, I'm a female-I can change my mind.

So I am up cuz I can't sleep and thought I'd come and blog. I do have some new things to report. I have lost 12 pounds so far. I'm happy with that. 2 rainbows! (I'll explain that sometime in the near future.)

I have been working out a ton lately and loving it. Today I took my girlies to Como, thinking that it wouldn't be very busy, not all schools are on spring break...umm, WRONG. It's in the 70's in MN in March, of course Como is going to be packed. But, we got a parking spot and had a blast. It's so fun to see my almost 2 yr old enjoying the animals. Laughing at the monkeys, smelling the flowers. Then tonight I worked out at the gym with a good friend doing the weight loss session on the elliptical. Wow, that kicks my butt but I love the satisfaction when I finish.

I've been thinking about why I'm fat and on this journey. I heard something on tv the other night about "letting myself go". I started thinking, when did I do that?! I certainly do not remember making that decision. Although normally I would be beating myself up at this point for having this problem in front of me, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to ALLOW myself to do that, let's say that. It didn't work for me in the past and it's not going to help me in the present. I'm here because I chose to be here, period. And I want to bring myself to a better situation, period. Food is an addiction for me, it is. Much like drugs, alcohol etc. become addictions, food is mine. I found myself stressed last week and wanting to EAT. Anything, what can I eat?? I'm hungry I thought. I want to eat. I stopped and really asked myself why?? Because I'm stressed and instead of dealing with the stress, I wanted to take my mind and mouth away from it and eat. The weird thing is when things are out of control for me like that in life, why would I want to let food get out of control for me??? I still don't know that answer just yet. I stayed in control though, and did not "stress eat". It made me realize I can do this, I can stick to it and succeed. I WILL DO THIS. Another friend who has lost a lot of weight said once in her writing, if you want it bad enough, you will do it. I've always wanted it bad enough, but this time I am DOING IT.

sad

Another day, another work out.

I love Saturdays, my hubby is home, we do things as a family...plus, it's sunny today. Colder, yes, but I'll take sun and cold over snow and grey skies any day! I'm taking Ali on a bike ride with me, she's always good for an exploration and we're planning a trip to the club later on. I logged in today to get some recipes off of a blog I'm following, and saw that another weight loss blogger has passed away. She was in her early 30's, had a hubby and two boys...that just sent shock waves into me. I cannot believe it. Way too young to be gone. I can't imagine her family right now, without their mom and wife. Sometimes life seems so unfair.

Next time I want a fast food burger...I'll read this

http://health.yahoo.com/experts/eatthis/30464/the-worst-drive-thru-foods-in-america-and-what-to-eat-instead/

tgif

I don't have catchy titles for my posts. I am a creative person, but I don't feel like trying to make this all cute with pics, creative with catchy phrases etc. I just want to blog and that's it. Just words on a screen. My thoughts down in cyber world for all to read. That's it.

Today is Friday, I'm happy with my progress so far. I'm always happy when I'm on board with something and it's working. I weighed in this a.m. and I'm down .4 or something like that. The other day I was down 3 something. Wii fit plus is keeping track for me, once I get what I want as a tracker, then I will post it. Anyway, like I said it's Friday, March 19th to be exact. I slipped up a bit the other night after a stressful night with the family, and ate DQ ice cream cake (1 piece) and some strawberried pb m&m's. I was so mad at myself. So, the next day I slim fasted it only I forgot my slim fast shake in the morning. I was determined to stay on my 'fix my flub' plan, so I did not eat until I got home from work. 2pm and I was starving. Not a healthy way to be, but it was my fix it plan and I was goin to make it work! I drank my shake which is pretty good after vigorous shaking, even though my dad used to say if you like those, you could eat shit and bark at the moon too. Good parenting skills at their finest right there! So I did stick to it and we went to Chuck E Cheese for report card reward night. We have a tradition of taking the girls out to dinner when they have good report cards. Chuck's has a fairly decent salad bar, so that was my plan. No pizza, two trips to the bar. I did it, and I was FULL. After that, we headed to the club for a workout which went great. Like I said, happy with my efforts yesterday.

Today I'm working out with Nancy who is on her own quest to lose weight. She's already lost 50+ pounds in the last couple years, after her cholesterol was too high. She's doing WW at work again since it's free, good job Nancy if you ever read this, lol. Our dinner plans went awry when our meat was not in the fridge anywhere, so I am making healthy tuna melts for Jay and I and grilled cheese for the kidlets. I was starving a while ago and raided the pantry. I found a can of green beans and stewed tomatoes, combined them and added fresh ground pepper. Yum. I am full from that! So, all in all on track and making this healthy kick work for me.

March 16, 2010

Well, here I am. Blogging. Gotta love modern technology. I am driven to journal my thoughts with this new frontier I am embarking upon. Writing that makes me feel like I am dishonest. Who cares?! I can lie in my own flippin' blog, right?! ::sigh:: No, still feel dishonest. Just a bit. See, I say "new frontier" and yet I've been to this place before. Sort of. I have battled the weight beast most of my life. I am sick and tired of it, too. I have told myself I am NOT turning 40 (in 3 years) fat. I said that word. That word that mortifies me. I hear it and I instantly get embarrassed. My kids utter it and I panic inside my head. We'll be watching t.v. and if that word is spoken, I secretly hold my breath and hope no one looks at me. I am no longer willing to be trapped inside, fat holding me prisoner. So, although this feels like a new frontier, I have tried and started many new weight loss frontiers-I've always had success, just not completed success. This time it will be different. Because I am making sure it is. So, to start off, I am listing the top reasons why I am making weight loss happen this time.

1. I want to be healthy and feel good.
2. I want to be a good role model for my kids.
3. I want to shop for clothes and feel good about it!
4. I no longer want to feel trapped by my weight.
5. I no longer want to go over in my head which way to stand, which way to walk, which way to move so that I don't look as fat.
6. I want to buy sexy lingerie, and feel good about wearing it!
7. I want to live to see my children grow, grandchildren grow etc. (If I'm that lucky!)
8. I want to be FREE. Free from this weight prisoner.
9. I want to eat to live, not live to eat!
10. I want to simply be able to say "I have beaten this beast!"