new title

So I made a new name for my blog. I wanted something a little more catchy, creative, even after saying this wasn't about being catchy or creative. He he, I'm a female-I can change my mind.

So I am up cuz I can't sleep and thought I'd come and blog. I do have some new things to report. I have lost 12 pounds so far. I'm happy with that. 2 rainbows! (I'll explain that sometime in the near future.)

I have been working out a ton lately and loving it. Today I took my girlies to Como, thinking that it wouldn't be very busy, not all schools are on spring break...umm, WRONG. It's in the 70's in MN in March, of course Como is going to be packed. But, we got a parking spot and had a blast. It's so fun to see my almost 2 yr old enjoying the animals. Laughing at the monkeys, smelling the flowers. Then tonight I worked out at the gym with a good friend doing the weight loss session on the elliptical. Wow, that kicks my butt but I love the satisfaction when I finish.

I've been thinking about why I'm fat and on this journey. I heard something on tv the other night about "letting myself go". I started thinking, when did I do that?! I certainly do not remember making that decision. Although normally I would be beating myself up at this point for having this problem in front of me, I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to ALLOW myself to do that, let's say that. It didn't work for me in the past and it's not going to help me in the present. I'm here because I chose to be here, period. And I want to bring myself to a better situation, period. Food is an addiction for me, it is. Much like drugs, alcohol etc. become addictions, food is mine. I found myself stressed last week and wanting to EAT. Anything, what can I eat?? I'm hungry I thought. I want to eat. I stopped and really asked myself why?? Because I'm stressed and instead of dealing with the stress, I wanted to take my mind and mouth away from it and eat. The weird thing is when things are out of control for me like that in life, why would I want to let food get out of control for me??? I still don't know that answer just yet. I stayed in control though, and did not "stress eat". It made me realize I can do this, I can stick to it and succeed. I WILL DO THIS. Another friend who has lost a lot of weight said once in her writing, if you want it bad enough, you will do it. I've always wanted it bad enough, but this time I am DOING IT.