Friday, July 23, 2010

(*%#(&%(* scale

I worked hard this week. Ate on plan, worked out 5 days, M-F and thought I'd have a really good week on the weigh-in. Nope. I was up the other day point something and I was up today .7 or .6 -I got down. I worked SO HARD this week, I was fully hoping for nice results. My thoughts were going something along the lines of this...I'm not quite half-way to my first big goal I have set for myself. I know it's going to get harder, I know I'll hit plateaus etc...but I just was hoping, PRAYING that things would keep going down for sometime before it got hard. Yes, I've come a long way, I am so proud of that. But, I've got a long way to go. I started second guessing myself, trying to explain to my comforting hubby that if it gets so hard already, how am I ever going to keep this battle up?! He reminded me why we are on this healthy journey in the first place, and that I'll get there...I explained that part of why I'm on this journey is also because I am sick and tired of being fat. I just don't want any part of it anymore--shopping at the large size stores, sweating when everyone else isn't, being super size...the list goes on. I am 37 and I want to enjoy being a normal size before I'm too old to look good anymore! Part of me laughs at that, part of me cries saying that out loud. I have lived the majority of my life fat. I've already shaved time off my life because of being fat. I will no longer let this control me, food is NOT that important-my life--IS. It makes me sad to think my Mom never got to see me thin. I was normal as a child, until around 2nd-3rd grade and then I lost 40+ pounds after high-school and wore a size juniors 13. That was at my thinnest and I loved it. My Mom loved me regardless, but I have this sadness that she won't see me thin. It makes me sad. Seeing that number on the scale be up instead of down like I so anticipated was such a downer. I didn't let it ruin my day, yes-I shed some tears but I let it go and had a wonderful day. I stayed on plan today and worked out, then walked with a friend after dinner. I plan on weighing tomorrow again, I need to see what the numbers say. Not sure how I'll react to another plus should it pop up, but I'm sure a post will be coming.

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