friday night or saturday morning?

So in a few hours is the prior fat girl event/meet-up. I am so nervous/excited--I am going, although alone. Scared about that. I've never done something that brave before. Usually I will hunt down a friend or buddy who may want to go--this time I'm on my own. Never would've done that 76 pounds ago. Yes, 76. I got my head outta my rear and got on track. Weighed today after a week and was so happy. I need to figure out how to get out of those mind sets when they occur. So I will post more after tomorrow. Lots of new things going on here and so looking forward to tomorrow!

struggles

Apparently, I am drowning over here and can't pull my head outta my butt. Grrrrrr. I am at a loss, crabby--not sure what to do or how to do it. ::sigh:: I ate too much last night, after my post about getting back on track etc. it went wrong. Stopped at the bar after picking up some friends from the Vike's game and drank two drinks. Came home and ate more food from our crock pot Sunday. Grrrr. Today I woke up and was having more difficulty getting my 9 yr old motivated to get ready for school. I go to the kitchen to find an opened chocolate bar, opened marshmallows and graham crackers staring me in the face. S'mores, breakfast of champions. Argggghhh. Yes, I was ticked off my hubby let my oldest engage in this so what do I do? Pop a piece of the chocolate in my mouth. Darnit! I also made my own s'more this a.m. and ate 2 waffles plus a rice crispie bar that was left in the living room. I am drowning here and I need to figure out why and STOP. So my promise is to stop. Stop this insanity right flippin' now and get a grip on reality. The reality is I don't want to sabotage myself, and yet I keep doing so! I've had some stress with my oldest daughter going on and my 9 yr old and I think it's getting the best of me. I wonder if my decisions are the right ones, I don't want to make mistakes like my Mom did. I love her and later in my life our relationship was great, but when I was a child it wasn't great and I'll leave it at that. I have an intense fear of not being a good mom and it gets the best of me. If only kids came with an instruction manual. Hopefully when I post again, I will be back on track.

Weekends

are fun and I also encounter my biggest challenges during them. Thursday night I went out for 'ladies night" with some girlfriends at a local bar/club. Wow, did these eyes see some "stuff", let's just leave it at that! LOL It was very fun, a lil too much on the cocktail front. We ended up at Perkins after for some post-cocktail hang-over ward off. While making good choices while out is difficult enough, let alone toss in some post drinkies and giggles with the girls, and it went out the window for me. I ordered a sausage scrambler "hold the scrambles" (no eggs-ever since I had my second child, when I eat eggs I get sick). I ate it ALL, including a muffin and fruit. It was delish. Not sure if it was the food or drinks that made me feel like I had been hit by a truck the next day but either way, it was brutal getting ready for work and doing the day with my kids! Not going to do that anytime soon again! I must say it was fun, and I felt so good wearing a new outfit I had gotten...sometimes I just need a fun, let loose kinda night.
Friday was fun, but I found myself trying to keep my head above water making good choices....I felt I should go hungry and eat "extra good" the whole day almost as if I am punishing myself for my choices. I didn't do badly, but not as good as I wanted...And the cycle starts all over again. I did get a great work out in, I pushed myself to do 60 mins on the elliptical. I felt great. Saturday I shared fajitas out with my hubby and more cocktail fun ensued. We felt "naughty" and ordered a pizza late night, complete with cheese. I refuse to let that frustrate me though. I CHOSE to let myself make that choice, and enjoyed every bite. I also said to myself I would slim fast it until dinner which I have done today, go me.
I felt like giving up and stuffing my hungry face, so I came down to check my blog and email and found a great email from Jen, Prior Fat Girl. 5 days left until her big event I signed up for scared as I was and it was all I needed to get my head back in the game and wait to eat a healthy dinner that is almost done cooking. I saw something that caught my attention as I was poking around blogs, too---"Failure is not an option". That is how I feel. It simply is NOT an option for me. I must pick myself up, move on from the choices of the past and concentrate on a new set of choice making, no punishments or guilt allowed. I can do this, I know I can....FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!

just a Tuesday

and some new thoughts runnin' around this brain of mine. I wonder if your brain loses weight, too. Seriously, think about that for a minute. There is fat all over your body, and you lose weight all over, so why not there? Without out all the crap clogging and running through your veins, wouldn't it make sense that it would help your brain too? Hmmm...I may have to look into that.

Anyway, I wanted to post because I am amazed at what I've accomplished so far today and still there is a lot of the day left. There is no way when I was heavier, I would've gotten all this done. I've walked the dog to the groomer's, taken my youngest to the park and played, cleaned the house, done Grandpa's laundry and made and eaten lunch. Wow. OK, so it doesn't look like as much as it sounds but man, I know it would've taken me much longer to get all that done when I was 70 pounds heavier.

Yes, I've made it to 70 lost now. More than half way to my goal. I can't pin point what made it stick this time for me, but I can say I'm loving every minute and so much happier now. To hear my 9 yr old say she is proud of me is priceless. I saw this quote a while ago--"Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" and that is right on the money for me. I find myself going back to that quote when I want another helping of food even though I'm not needing it or when I want to eat the oreos that are staring me in the face when I open the pantry. I really ought to frame that and hang it on my fridge.
Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels~

Fat

Grossly dramatic three-dimensional visual replica of human fat molded with the same techniques used to create Life/form® food replicas. A shocking but strongly motivating attention-getter. Made of soft, pliable, long-lasting vinyl plastic, this replica has a profound, memorable effect when passed around among the audience. Replica represents approximate volume of real fatty tissue; weights vary.



Here is another way to figure the fat. Two cups of fat is one pound.



Folks might remember Oprah’s epic weight loss in 1988, which she celebrated by rolling out of a wagon filled with 67 pounds of fat to represent the weight she’d lost using a liquid protein diet.




There are lots of ways to look at fat, aren't there?
That pic above is HUGE for me, I remember watching that Oprah episode with my Mom when she wheeled out that wagon, looking sooooo good. I wanted to do what she did. I remember her talking about how she called a friend wanting to EAT and thinking, hmmm, not so much. I cut that out of a magazine and saved that photo when I did WW after high school. It was inspirational for me. Still is. So I looked it up. I've now lost more than that wagon of fat she is pulling. I've lost 69 pounds as of today. 69 pounds is a LOT of weight. 69 pounds is two of my 2 yr old daughters. 69 pounds is 69 of those bad boy fat replicas up there. Bottom line is, 69 pounds is a LOT of weight. I am feeling good about my weight loss these days. Getting compliments at work, from friends...it's all lovely. I'm wearing a size 18 jeans that when I bought them a little over a week ago were a bit too tight, now they fit comfy. I used to wear a size 26/28. I am happy I have come this far, eager to go farther. I have filled up a lot of my rainbow path, which I will take a pic and share later. I looked at that today and felt so good that I stuck with my healthy eating plan and have reached my first short term goal, almost to my second- then on to my last. It feels so amazingly good I cannot put it into words. But believe me, I won't grow tired of trying.